Assalamualaikum dan helo.

Sebenarnya I had just finished my first and last k-drama marathon after PT3. I was planning for more, but since the situation isn't really approving, so maybe after SPM. Btw, the drama's title is Full House, I bet that most of you had watched it. That drama sudah lama terperuk dalam my Ma's laptop but I was too busy and lazy sehinggalah kelmarin.

Our school actually planned a lot of stuff for the 2015 PT3 candidates. 
Sure, it annoys me, but since I'll be missing school when I'm not a school student anymore, so screw it. The programs are extremely boring but I will try not to care.

Some of the programs are:

Kem Jati Diri (KJD)

Tajuknya sangat mengharukan, begitu juga dengan pengisiannya. Hari Jumaat setelah habis saja PT3, we were given a taklimat about this beautiful but cruel activity. And Saturday, the program started. It was tiring, fun, refreshing and face sunburning. And now it had ended, I'm sad, but relieved.


Aktiviti yang sangat indah dan mendamaikan buat manusia-manusia bergelar pelajar, right? We were forced asked to study the form 4's subjects as a persediaan. I love studying. But the timing isn't right yet. But since this program is good for me, then I'll follow the flows :)

My plans: belajar main gitar, belajar masak, books, books, books, movies, movies, movies, k-dramas, k-dramas, k-dramas, dramas, dramas, dramas. And more. So relaxing and fun.

Pyps. xo

How I Become Myself #2

I acted like I grew up in a very cool background, cool family, cool childhood songs, cool childhood stories, acting cool all the way. I know, I am so annoying. I know, that I shouldn't try to change something about me. I know, I know, I know.

When I acted like I grew up with some English folks and classical songs, I actually grew up with the songs that majority of other Malaysians grew up with, classical Malay songs. P. Ramlee, Saloma, Sudirman. And actually some Dusunese and Indonesian songs, obviously because I'm a Dusunese and my parents adore Indonesian emotional songs very very much. So if I tell you that I grew up with English folks and classical songs, most of it are lies and even if it's true, it is because I used to listen to some English songs through radio. 

Most of my friends grew up with Disney, Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon and yang sewaktu dengannya. But for me, okay, I grew up with cartoons too, but only through TV2, TV3, Astro Ceria, Astro Ria, NTV7 and Fox's Sesame Street. My mom resisted to subscribe to all the cartoon channels because we might not sleep early, not study or whatsoever if there are Disney, Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon and yang sewaktu dengannya (they didn't work).

But children love tv. So was I. Hence, when my friends were talking about how beautiful Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella were, I was talking about the telenovelas, sinetrons, thailand dramas, and my friends would look at me as if I was the most boring person in the world. I was watching those because my mother was Mrs. Drama Addiction so me, as the only daughter, would be the company for my mother. Each and every time.

My Pa never told me stories from storybooks. He made his stories himself. Using my name and my siblings' name, or sometimes the funny names like Gurangak. I grew up with those instead of Cinderella. In those stories, I would be the princess needs to be saved, my brothers would be the saviors. Or some of my brothers would be the bad guys.

Sometimes I'll be jealous of those people who memorized the theme song for Tarzan because I'll never memorize it the way they do. I might be jealous of those people who knows every single song from Hannah Montana. That's why I need to remind myself that I am myself because of my past, because of how I grow up. It's okay to be different.

Pyps. xo


How I Become Myself #1

"Tahukah anda? I wasn't myself during these past years." Whenever I told my friends that, even if they angguk-angguk, I know some of them berkata pada hati mereka "eh betul tei tu?". Ahem. I know myself more than you do lah. 

It started since, I don't really remember. Tapi yang pasti since primary school until earlier this year, I guess. I don't know why I want to ungkit this story back. Maybe I just need to write. Actually I read my diaries again. The 2009-2013 diaries. I want to see how much I change. And I do change a lot. 

2009-2010, I don't really think that I was already an actress during that time. It started since 2011 lah tu kan -,-' 2011, I befriend with some people actually. They were so cool, pretty, nice, smart. And I was just a quite smart girl but can be fooled easily. Immature and naive. So I befriended with them lah.

I tried to be like them. I tried everything to look pretty, cool. I didn't care about my parents' advise. When my parents said that I shouldn't do something, I did because my friends said that it was cool and it wasn't cool to follow your parents' rules all the time. 

And I was just a fool back then. They fooled me and I was too naive so I kept forgiving and giving them everything they wanted. HAHA. 

How can I recount back these memories?

Because in every entry in my diaries, I keep saying "mau tau kah, si ____ kan cantik tau, semua orang mau kawan dia. dia kan........" And that was me. I tried to look cool, act cool, I must be up to date. I thought that was me. I lost my happy-naive-innocent self. I thought that my pretends are real and true. Until I fell on a concrete.

Ergh dramatiknya ayat.

Until I realize how I was being such a fool and being fooled by the fools.

And somehow some good things that they taught me masih melekat dengan diri ini sampai sekarang. So I let it be here. Because now they are part of me, can't be separated. 

My advice is, whoever that surrounds you, don't let them make you lose yourself. Always remind yourself about something that you love about yourself. Don't let the things that you hate about yourself control you, that's the only way to stay true to yourself. If you let them control you, I guarantee that you'll regret it for the rest of your life. Like I do.

Pyps. xoxoxoxoxo

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