OSIZAL 2016 KK Field Trip (Day 1) πŸ’œ

It has only been a day since I'm back from Kota Kinabalu (KK) for our batch field trip and I already miss the time we were together. Yup, it was a field trip a.k.a. lawatan sambil belajar and studying isn't supposed to be very very very fun but guess what, the trip was fun! Maybe it was because we played around more than we study hehe. Nonetheless, we learned a lot from the trip.

the first day: fun on the bus, cocoa boutique, the resort (sort of) & girls' night out

We left school on Friday, April 22nd at 8.00 AM. We rented 5 buses (with driver), 3 buses for the girls and 2 for the boys. I was in the fun bus (everybody claimed they were in the fun bus). Our first destination was Cocoa Boutique. The journey from Ranau to KK was about 2 hours and a half and it was a long time to spend on the bus.

At first, we were just chatting and playing around, singing while playing some songs from our phones. And then, the driver turned on the mini TV on his bus and played karaoke CDs! We sang along to some songs that we knew, and suddenly the driver said that there was microphone under the chair on the back. I was one of the people who were sitting on the chair on the back so we were the one who sang the most. Even when other people were sleeping, we were singing (quietly of course we were not that inconsiderate) and we had so much fun.

2 hours passed, and we arrived at Cocoa Boutique:

The staff that served us was a Chinese man, and he was so patient, kind and polite while explaining the whole process about making chocolates and different types of chocolates to us although some of us weren't really paying attention to him. I give 5 stars for that! After that they let us design our own chocolates (paid, of course). Ah, I didn't take any picture of my chocolates, but let me tell you, they were cute and most importantly, delicious. The sweetness didn't make my tooth ache and there was a hint of bitterness and that's what I love about chocolates.

After we spent some time having fun making chocolates and learning at Cocoa Boutique, we went to Masjid Bandaraya Kota Kinabalu for Friday prayer and then straight to Marina Court. I think that the staff actually did good job already, the problem was with the person who we asked to help on dealing with penginapan. It was hot and we were so thirsty but we were forced to wait outside for a long time to wait for the key. And then, suddenly, the staff said we only booked one house. One house, for more than 50 people? Yes the house was big, but nope, not happening. Hence, we asked for 2 more houses and thankfully, it was enough.

not my picture, because I didn't take any picture from the house. but it kinda looked like this, only way BIGGER.
The house was perfect! There was a big TV, Astro, 2 bathrooms with bathtubs, washing machine, a perfect kitchen and a big sofa for me to sleep for 2 nights. Not exaggerating here, I literally slept 2 nights on the sofa, I claimed it as my territory as soon as I got into the house! Why? Because it was a strategic place; there was a TV and big space. It was comfortable. The sofa was as comfy as any bed can be okay.

That night, we went to CentrePoint to shop and just have fun. I bought a revision book and a story book at Popular and that was it for me. Then, we went straight to the arcade and played. I only played the car racing game and then I followed my friends to K-Box to have karaoke session (again). Just so you know, us Sabahans really love to sing.

We were only at CentrePoint for 2 hours but we had the time of our lives. By the time we got back to our house, we were all tired and went straight to sleep.


Will I Be Fine? | Sunday's thought

I'm having it hard in my life lately. I find it hard to just wake up and do things. I find myself being on my bed all day, unproductive, sometimes just staring at the ceiling for hours thinking. I feel like the walls around me are going to fall down and hurt me anytime. I feel so fragile, and like I'm uncapable of feeling anything other than nothing. I feel so empty. I'm unmotivated to do anything, I don't like anything that I usually love to do, I'm feeling very much not myself. It's weird. I don't like it.

I can't see anything I want to do for my future anymore. I'm in a slump, a hardcore one and I don't know how to get out. It feels like I'll be like this for a very long time. I'm not thinking of dying, but I don't feel like I live much either these days. I feel like an emotionless robot who does everything without slight enjoyment.

Will I ever be fine again? Will I ever have ambitions again? Will I ever like what I used to like again? I don't know. I don't have any idea. I can just hope for the best, and I'm even tired of hoping.


I feel no feelings;

I don't feel much
I seem to feel very little
I wish I knew what to feel
How to react when someone tells me something

The only thing I do seem to feel is depression
I have to pretend when people tell me exciting news
It doesn't get to me I just feel nothing

I wish some one could pull me out of this
But no one listens
No one really cares

When ever I try to call out for help it doesn't work
I always spurt out a different issue
I just wish I could pour out all of my issues

Someday it will all come out of me
Someday I will finally scream all my issues
Maybe someday someone will see past my fake smile 

-lexi bowsman

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