The After-Vacation Effect


I was home since Wednesday. And heck the majority of time after I went back were spent on my bed either reading, eating, surfing the internet, watching videos, listening to music, or sleeping. So... productive. Please note the sarcasm. And the worst part is.. I haven't unpack my luggage yet. How pemalas anak dara sorang ni.

Excuse me but I'm still suffering from the after-vacation effect, is that wrong? I've been suffering fever and severe stomach ache for almost four days now, how impressive. I thought about posting about the trip to Langkawi and then my stomach starts doing this weird sound and mencucuk-cucuk motion.

I am scrolling down through my camera roll and looking at the pictures while we were there and playing 5SOS albums on repeat (because I only listened to their songs before, during and after the trip so the songs remind me to Langkawi). I'm obviously not over the vacation yet. But I also love home because it's home and I'm home and I can mereput on my bed watching Miranda's videos laughing like I'm insane.

People, after-vacation effect is the worst (if you feel the full experience of the effect). I ate too much spicy foods when I was there and my stomach ache is still exist after almost 4 days I left Langkawi.

Sorry that I ramble. I just want to update this blog, just because.



October Jams

It has been a long, long time since I posted a playlist to this blog. Since I love music, and music is one of big parts in my life growing up, so I figured that it is good to share what I'm listening with you guys.

#1: DNCE - Jinx

"Yea I want to tell everyone that you are, you are my only one. Screaming at the top of my lungs, but I'm whispering, I'm whispering, I'm whispering 'cause I don't wanna jinx it."

That moment when Joe Jonas is your bae and he's singing a real good song. I actually love all the songs in DNCE's album but this one is my fav. Second favorite is Toothbrush and Cake By The Ocean because the beats and the tunes are so catchy and freaking-good-to-sassy-dance-to.

#2: Taylor Swift - Dear John

"Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame. Or maybe it's you and your sick need, to give love and take it away."

Taylor Swift's songs are practically my childhood. As much as I don't want to admit it, long long time ago, when I was in primary school, I downloaded bunches of Taylor's songs and I'm pretty sure I still memorize the lyrics until now because the songs were overplayed in my phone hew hew. But this song is gold. It is the only song from her Speak Now album that I still have in my phone and replayed over and over again. I love her new style, new songs but I love the country-good-old-days more. The songs back when she was still doing country will have the effect on me.

#3: Bridgit Mendler - Atlantis (feat. Kaiydo)

"Yeah I know how to feel, I know that love exists. It's asleep with the fishes down in Atlantis. Oh my lord, where's my soul? How did we end up like this?"

I love Bridgit ever since Lemonade Mouth. Oh way before that actually. I love her since Alvin & The Chipmunks. And I love her Hello My Name Is... album. So when she made a comeback couple of weeks ago, I was thrilled. I love the music video straight away but not so fond of the new music. It's not really my genre. But then I was obsessed with the music video so I go rewatch it over and over and over again and the song started to grow in me. The meaning is so deep and you have to listen what she is trying to say to fully understand the lyrics.

#4: ZAYN - fOoL fOr YoU *I still can't understand why did Zayn titled all of his song LiKe tHis*

"This love is tainted, I need you and I hate it. You're caught between a dream and a movie scene in a way, you know what I mean."

If there's any time that I'm glad Zayn left One Direction, it is when he makes a real good music. Not stuffs like Pillowtalk, but stuff like this. I actually cried when I heard that he left because I was in the fandom before that. Even when I left the fandom, I could still feel the empty 'seat' he left. The emptiness lingered for quite a while. Apa lagi when they got a break. I am happy for them, really, because they barely get a rest. But I'm just afraid that they would not make a comeback. But really, they should take a break and do what they want to do. If they want to split then they can do that because by now, they have enough experience to know what will happen and they will make some good stuffs.

Eheh I got too far from the Zayn topic hew hew hew.

#5: Coldplay - Up&Up

"How come people suffer? How come people part? How come people struggle? How come people break your heart?"

Coldplay was one of my jams during the sarkest of my life, so they have some effects on me. They make me shiver and chill and in bliss. They make me remember and forget in the same time.

#5: JoJo - Mad Love Album.

JoJo was also my childhood jams. I remembered singing I Hate Love when I was writing my diary (woah what an emo kid). When her Tringle album was out I was thrilled. And it was only three songs. Now, there are more than a song and it's JoJo and I love her voice and I love her and I'm so excited hahaha. Go. Check. Them. Out. In. Youtube. Or. Spotify. They are great, I promise! My personal favs are F*ck Apologies, I Can Only, Mad Love, High Heels, Like This, I Am and I love freaking absolutely everything.

That's all from me today. I'm supposed to study Chemistry because tomorrow is Chemistry final and I love science stream (more like I don't want to be kicked out from science stream and need to study accounting). But now I'm so sleepy so I'm going to sleep for a while and get up earlier and study and *pypaa is rambling*.

Pypss. xoxoxxxxooooxoxo


The Amount Of Likes/Followers Don't Define You

I remember when I was a primary school student, my friends and I would talk about the beautiful people gang, the popular clique, and we wanted to be just like them. That was our highest ambition (other than being a group of awesome wedding planners lol). We read Ain Maisarah's Buletin Sri Bangsar and our aim was to be The Wannababes (we didn't even know what that means, it sounded so cool).

Then, we decided to listen to the latest music, change our Facebook's name to a cool name (my name was Fifae Ilae lol and it sticked to me like glue until now, even after I changed it to my real name), post cool Facebook statuses which was quotes back then, customize our profile to look awesome and etc. We tried so hard lol.

Somehow that still influenced me until today. The amount of my Instagram followers, my Twitter followers, the amount of hearts that I got for an Instagram post, and even my Blogger followers, they are like this grenade for me that could blow me up in any seconds. And that's so freaking scary and no matter how I run, I found myself feeling so unworthy and foolish and invisible because of these things. It's not okay.

Then, I think about this. Why do I feel sad?

And it hits me, when I realized that I define myself by these things. And the most stupid thing is, why do I define myself by these things? Am I just that to me? I thought myself worth more than that to me. Am I my Instagram followers? Am I my Twitter followers? Am I just the amount of likes and hearts and comments that I got in some normal simple tweet/instagram post? Am I just that?

The answer is no. It's never a yes.

Just because people don't see what you see, it doesn't mean that you're not worth it. Just because you're not as popular as someone you know, doesn't mean you're nothing. Just because being popular isn't your kind of life, doesn't mean that you have no other reasons to live. You have more reasons to live, and feeling sad and disappointed by these stupid things isn't worth it. You're worth it. You don't need to have people to say it. You're worth it, you're as beautiful as everyone is and you're a universe of something.

You're a universe full of galaxies and planets and stars and just because you don't see it, and just because people don't tell this to your face, it doesn't mean that it's not there. You're a whole lot more than what people define you.

The only person that could define you, is yourself. Hell no sometimes even you can't define yourself. Only God can judge us, really.

So smile, because that means, you know how much yourself worth to you. Only then will people see what you worth.

Pyps. xoxoxoxoxo


People hurt.

People hurt in so many ways.
Every person carries some weight on their shoulder,
Whether it's seeable or invisible.

People hurt in so many ways.
Everyone knows what pain is.
The difference is what kind of pain it is.
Ones whose feet is bleeding from walking on sea of thorns,
Wouldn't know the pain of suffocating in the darkness of the sea.

People hurt in so many ways.
And everyone wants to feel the taste of happiness.
A little bit of serenity.
But how are we going to live happily,
When everyone hurts each other just to achieve those selfish goals?

People hurt in so many ways,
Yet so egoistical to stop being selfish.
It is a scary world we're living in.

Pypaa. xoxoxoxoxoxoxxx


Worst Way Of Teaching People

Guys exam is coming, what the heck am I doing in here?! Eh give me a break lah. I'm too tired. I might not be at school tomorrow for sports carnival because I hate participating in sports and I just love staying at home. I'd rather stay at home studying than be under the 100 degrees (exaggerating) sun, making myself looks like a fool when I try to play the games I'm totally not good at. Call me kaki bangku or whatsoever but sports and me had been enemies for the longest time ever.

Okay, enough with today's mukaddimah. The title itself is very self-explanatory. If you ask me one of the things I learned from my almost 16 years life, I would say that the worst way of teaching people something by talking behind their back. It is the worst kind of 'teaching'. In fact, it doesn't help at all. Maybe, they'll stop doing the things that you taught them not to do, but some people's self-esteem would probably drop to the lowest point (like me).

Maybe I'm scared of straight-to-my-face big talks, but I'd rather do that than having people talking behind my back about my weaknesses in order to 'teach' me. When I was in primary school, I faced that kind of situation. Instead of telling me nicely about what I did wrong, these people that I trusted so much talked to a lot of people about my weaknesses so that they could 'teach' me. Actually not only during my primary school days that I faced this, I still face this until today.

That kind of situations during my primary school days really killed my self-esteem. Knowing that some of my very trusted people doing that to me, and what people talk about me behind me, it was just so shameful. The implications? I don't trust people anymore. My self-esteem is still very low. I have this very hateful gut towards people that I'm not close with. It still aches until today.

People tend to think that talking about some people's mistakes behind their back would teach those people not to do the same mistakes anymore. Yes. But not in a good way. It's more towards to self-destruction. Not just they stop doing the same mistakes, they might stop doing a lot of other things-including the things that they've always loved to do.

So, people. Whoever you are, no matter how old you are, just because you're greater in some ways (age, personality, beauty, etc.), it totally doesn't give you a right to talk behind other people's back no matter for what purposes. Even if you call it 'teaching', it's actually called backbiting. No matter what the reason is, it's still bring a lot of negative impacts for that people and you yourself, because what you do mirrors yourself.

If some people did a mistake, be the person who tells them nicely about their mistake. Tegur secara baik.

Backbiting is never good, I repeat. Even the Quran and Rasulullah talked about it.

"And do not BACKBITE. Would any of you like to eat his brother's flesh? No, you would hate it." [Surah Al-Hujurat, 12)

Please have a thought about what I just wrote. If I said something wrong in this post, please comment down below, I'll really appreciate it.

Thanks for reading! ;)

Pyps. xoxoxo


Tuesday Vlavs

My mortal enemy: Migraine.

Assalamualaikum and hello. Now I'm listening to Vance Joy's 'Mess Is Mine'. Today I'm just going to vlavs vlavs blabs so bear with it or you can just go because it's going to be a boring post (maybe).

I've been facing this headache since this morning. Not really headache, more like got your head eaten by a shark. My eyes feel like they're going to pop out. The scary disgusting thing is that I really want my head or at least my eyes to just blow up.

I really want to sleep and just release my stress and just let this headache go AWAY AWAY AWAY from me. BUT I HELLA CAN'T BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP THINKING!!!!!!!

Seriously there are a lot of things to do! I need to wash my black skirt and my tudung krim and then I need to finish my Physics homework, NILAM records, English essays and more and more and more Y_Y I need to revise for exams, there are a lot of topics to revise.

I'm now lying on my bed, planning to sleep for a while and set an alarm and just wake up in the middle night to finish my works. But since this unfortunate-ness had been following me since the beginning of this day, I unfortunately can't sleep because I'm thinking.

My head is surely a hell of a head.

Now playing: Hozier - Cherry Wine

Dear bloggie, thanks for listening. Just now, I shouted to my brother to not ask me anything about Maths tonight because my head is blowing up.

That's all from me. So long, assalamualaikum.

She-whose-head-got-eaten-by-a-shark. xoxo

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