the sick feeling in my stomach & I need your opinion


Hello. It's been a while. I am busy with the preparation for SPM right now, but I need to get things off my chest and ask your opinion about what I'm currently feeling (maybe?). This post won't be useful to everyone, but I will really appreciate it if you're willing to read this post until the end and let me know your thoughts about it.

1. Is it okay to be nice to people I'm not really comfortable with and I want to run away from? 

Reading the question I just typed down, it sounds so ridiculous. Of course it's okay to be kind and nice to people, no matter how we hate them. The problem with me is, when I'm acting nice to them, I don't feel like myself. I feel like I'm being the biggest hypocrite ever, and I hate hypocrisy. I need to put up an act whenever I face the person/people and as much as I want to run away, I can't. I'll feel guilty. But then, when I walk with them, I feel this sick feeling in my stomach and I hate that.

2. Is it okay to just let my brother do as he please?

I was so far from a goody-two-shoes when I was their age. I broke rules too, and I locked myself up in my room too doing whatever I want and shutting the outside world. I'm not much older, but I'm their big sister and I always feel the need to protect them from doing things that might bring bad things to them in the end, and protect my family's name. My brother is going to have his PT3 this year and I don't even know if he already prepare for it because we don't talk much these days. Whenever I ask him where will he go after PT3, he said he doesn't know and I am so so so so so worried guys. I didn't know which path would I take when I was sitting for PT3 too, but I can't help myself from being scared for him.

3. Last but not least, is it okay that me myself doesn't know which path I should take after SPM?

When I ask my mother about this, she'll say "Just focus on your SPM now, don't worry about the afters." But guys, I can't help but wonder whether it's okay to be this way right now. Is it okay that I'm not sure whether I want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or other things I want to be? I still have a lot of ambitions and I don't know what should I be and to be honest, not having an ambition is not motivating me to study at all.

I know that most of my blog readers are older than me, so can you please let me know your thoughts about my confusions? Please?

Lots of love,
Afifah Nabila. xoxo


  1. its normal to be nervous and think so much on what going to happen after the spm . tapi jgn la sampai stress fikirkan hal tu. and for me, i try to focus on subject that i love the most :D

    1. Hehe I'll try not to stress out too much :D I'm currently thinking about Literature, TESL or med since I love English and Biology.

  2. Hi there, best of luck for your SPM 2017! So, here are my thoughts on your confessions that you just made;

    #1 As you said that it is okay to be nice & kind to people no matter how we hate them, and I agreed on that but you dont need to put an act/or be nice to people you hate if you doesn't want that. Remember, it is always okay not to like someone. We are human that are wired with individual likes and dislikes and you can express yourself honestly. I did have some people that I don't fond of too, but we are on good terms as long as it didn't cross the lines.
    #2 I'm the eldest among my sibling and I always feel that I need to protect them too, and your situation was kinda same with mine when my younger brother was a PT3 candidate in 2014. & I was really worried too because he doesn't really think much about what he gonna be in the future and what I did was having a heart-to-heart talk session with him. That really worked and actually I realized that he actually do care about his future but he doesn't know how to talk about it and by having that session, he could be more open up to me about his problems.
    #3 When I was 17, I am really torn between my decisions on pursuing Literature in English or Law. But I chose Law after giving it a deep thought about what I really do think about my future and I realized that my passion to learn Law is bigger than I could ever imagine. Most of family members and friends thought that I would be pursuing Literature in English because I love English, to be honest. Maybe you could figure out your true passion about what you're gonna do in the future slowly. But as your mom said, it is true that your top priority right now is that you should focus on your SPM. Ive let my parents down by not getting Straight As in SPM when honestly I could do even much better. One question that maybe you could ask to yourself is, "What path that I'm gonna take after SPM?" and try seeking help in finding out your true passion by your family members/relatives/friends because it really helps. I did it. You could ask them such question as "Honestly, what do you really think about which paths should I take after SPM ends?" Maybe they could give suggestions about something that you are good at.

    Whew, that was quite long but I hope all of these would help you to ease your mind hehe 'v'

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  3. 1. Stay away from that kind of people because I've dealt with so many psychos out there. I don't want u to regret later, I mean it.

    2. As a 'kakak', I personally a kakak as well so I usually advice my brother to study as well & noticed him that the exams isn;t easy as he thought. Make our parents proud. But don't push him because he will get emotional & stressed over it.

    3. I never know what path I should take after SPM. I always thought of accounting, accounting from the start till the end, but however, lepas sekolah, I feel like business is my choice cuz I love doing business. But am I sure about what I want? And now I accidentally take Masscomm xD At first I never know what is Masscomm (I'm so lame) but now Alhamdulillah I can adapt this course & goes well with it. So myu advice is choose any course you want which you think you can major in it, but whatever it takes you then, adapt & do well. Because your job sometimes doesn't based on your major.

    1. Thanks for the advice, oh gosh I'm so thankful that there are people on the internet that are thoughtful enough to read this post and comment these hella long useful comment :D I'll think about your advice, thanks again :) *nangis terharu*


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