mixed feelings about going to school

Currently listening to: Youth - Shawn Mendes

The UPU result was announced on May 21st and alhamdulillah, I got the first option I applied for, which was Universiti Malaysia Sabah (UMS) Science Foundation. I was happy, but I was confused too. I was supposed to go to Labuan Matriculation College the next day, and I prepared everything already, I paid for everything, it was tiring and I just didn't want to start over again. However, after I think about it again and again, I decided to just go to UMS. It's close to home, introduce me to uni life, the good things about going there outweigh the bad ones.

Hence, I'm going to school again on June 20th. Excited? Of course I am. I've been doing nothing at home aside from what I said in my last post. It gets boring and I feel so unproductive no matter what I do. I miss the busy life as a student though it's tiring. I'm excited about meeting new people, living at dorm, studying at a university, being near to a mall (because there's no mall at my hometown), living in a city, and just studying again. The thought of studying again puts a new spirit in me.

These days though, I'm more scared and nervous than excited. First of all, because I'm gonna be studying math again. I was truly traumatized by the add math question on SPM last year, no exaggerating. When I was answering the questions, I felt like I was so stupid and I never learned anything about add math when I already spent almost 2 years learning add math. Although I never make a mental note to study math again, I was traumatized enough that it still haunts me today.

The other reason I'm scared is, I'm afraid if I start to hate science when I'm studying it. To be honest, when I was applying for UPU, I was torn between TESL and science foundation. I love English language, everything about it. I love learning it, I love writing and reading. When I started 2017, I was only thinking about applying for TESL after SPM. And then there's science. I've been learning science for 2 years, it was so hard when I wasn't really interested on science to begin with. However, I managed to get a good result for my science subjects and an okay result for my add math. My ambition also changes from time to time and the job I want always revolves around science. My parents also convinced me that even if I don't learn English, I can still write. Maybe that convinced me to further my study in science.

But hey, people say that being nervous isn't bad, it just means something important is happening. So maybe me being nervous isn't that bad, right?

Pypaa. xo


6 Months Long Holiday Coming to an End😱

It has been so long since I posted anything here. Sure, I miss blogging a lot but when you're on a serious writing block, no "What To Write When You're Having Writing Block" can ever help you. I finished secondary school last year (read: post-SPM) and before SPM, I actually have a lot of things I wanted to do after SPM. I even wrote it in my journal for god sake, and I only managed to do 1/3 of the things on my list. And now when my holiday is coming to an end, all of a sudden I finally have the spirit to write and do a lot of things. Me is mengada.

So, what have I done during my 5 months holiday that is coming to an end?

01. Finish some TV shows and k-dramas

Although I think that I haven't finish as many shows as I wanted, I think it's enough, considering some of the shows are in series and there were k-dramas that had more than 20 episodes. Some of the shows I finished that are my favorites are:

1. I'm Not A Robot (32 episodes k-drama) This is one of the fluffiest and most heartwarming dramas I've ever watched💗 The actors and actresses really did a good job!
2. Rebel: Thief Who Stole The People (30 episodes k-drama) YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS IF YOU LOVE KOREAN HISTORICAL DRAMAS!
3. Stranger Things (2 seasons) People say it's scary so I wanted to watch it. It didn't really scare me but the show was so good. I'm a big fan of the show🙆
4. Marvel's Agent Carter (2 seasons) Agent Carter is such a badass and totally a Marvel woman icon🙌💥
5. A Love So Beautiful (23 episodes c-drama) Because Jiang Chen's face is similar to my crush's face 🙊
6. A Korean's Odyssey (20 episodes k-drama) Made me laugh and cry in the same time. Tear my heart to pieces then put it all back together.
7. Friends (10 seasons) My most favorite out of all the TV shows I've watched💜💛💚💙 This is a very hyped TV show so I wanted to see what was the hype all about and I was hooked to the show since the first episode because it made me hysterically laugh.

Still watching: Riverdale, The 100, Strong Woman Do Bong Soon, Marvel's Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D

Honorable mentions: The Great Seducer, School 2013, School 2017, Pretty Little Liars, Suspicious Partner

02. Get a driving license

I mentioned in one of my last posts before this that I was getting a driving license. Alhamdulillah, I managed to pass the JPJ test and now I'm a legal driver. I got my driving lesson less than a month and I really thought I won't pass but I passed!  I'm still scared to drive on a busy road, so now I'm just trying to get used to driving on a big but quiet road. Recently I drove to my father's workplace in a rural area. Half of the road on the way there are still unpaved and it was so challenging for me. Luckily, I managed to drive back home alone although I cried a bit in the beginning because it was the first time I drive alone.

03. Finish some books

This is one of the things that I really hoped I can tick off from my list. However, I couldn't because I only read 21 books since I started holiday, lesser than my goal: 30. It's close, though. Maybe I can read more books before I start school again. My favorites out of all the books I read during holiday:

1. Note to Self - Connor Franta (non fiction, ★★★★★)
2. The Hate U Give - Angie Thomas (contemporary, YA, racism issue, ★★★★★)
3. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire & Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix (fantasy, children literature, ★★★★★)
4. Satu - Hamka Kereta Mayat, Arlina Banana, Paola Kira Ewusi, Riduan A. Dullah (short stories, contemporary, ★★★★)
5. Far From the Tree - Robin Benway (contemporary, YA, family issue, ★★★★★)

04. Declutter and reorganize my closet

This is in my top priority list before starting school. I always reorganize my closet, but I only declutter my clothes once a year because it is too much work. I need to classify my clothes to which ruined clothes that can still be fixed, which clothes are still good but I don't want anymore, which clothes can just be thrown into the trash. Too. Much. Work.

05. Voluntary babysitting

Half of the gang; the all boys group.
I've been staying at my grandmother's house since last month. I've only been back home for two days. When I was staying at my grandmother's house, my uncle always sent his youngest child for us to babysit. I also have other little cousins that can be such a headache (but they are cute and adorable and nice to play with so that's okay) to take care of sometimes when their parents are busy. And also worth a mention here, my little brothers.

Sigh. I'm going to bid my holiday farewell soon and I'm going to miss it a lot. I'm going to miss the routine although my holiday routine is actually pretty boring. My holiday wasn't how I expected it to be but it allowed me to take a break from being tired after struggling for my study. Now that my holiday is coming to an end, I'm kinda nervous about what's next. What's going to happen during my uni life and I'm also nervous about studying again because seriously, my brain is 'rusty' already. I hope it'll be just fine.

That's all from me today, goodbye 😊

Pypaa. xo


Marhaban Ya Ramadan! | Simple Ramadan Tips

Assalamualaikum and hello people. As you all know the holiest month of the year has finally come again. Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah, we are all given the chance to meet this month again. Time flies so fast, isn't it? Last year, I was fasting as a student and all my activities were still controlled by the school. Some of you might not know that I was a religious school student. So, every year during Ramadan, the school will organize a lot of activities so that the month won't be wasted. This is the first year I'm going to spend Ramadan with my own schedule and I'm quite excited to be honest.

In this post, there are some tips that I used from the years before and some that I haven't try but want to. So, these tips are specifically written to my fellow muslims.

1. Suhoor (Sahur): Prepare some food and water beside your bed in case you wake up late.

Missing a suhoor is a very common mistake people always do during Ramadan. When you miss a suhoor, you might not have enough energy to do a lot of things during the day, making you less productive. Some people might suffer with gastritis and end up breaking his/her fast because it's harmful to the body if s/he keeps fasting.

Hence, what you can do to not miss a suhoor is, prepare a bottle of water and some snacks beside your bed so that when your alarm rings the first time, you can easily reach for the foods and even eat while you're still lying on your bed jenis kemalasan apakah ini.

tbh, I got this tip from seeing Bom on Roommate😂
Or you can eat before you sleep, but you have to keep in mind that it'll not be the same as the suhoor right before Fajr. You might get hungry again when you wake up. Plus, delaying the suhoor is a sunnah.

Here are some simple but yummy (and also energizing) foods that you can prepare for suhoor.

2. For the girls: Use the calendar to track how many days of fasting you need to qada.

I used this tip for a few years already because I'm such a forgetful person. Every year, before Ramadan I'll get a little paranoid about whether I already qada all my fasting days or not. So to the other girls that have the same problem, I got you covered! I personally recommend using a period tracker app and don't forget to register and sync your account so you won't lose your information even when you change/format your phone.

Here is the app I use to track my period. It's cute and easy to use. In the second picture, the pink part shows how many days you're on your period so tracking how many days you should qada your fasting is easy peasy lemon squeezy😉

P/S: You can always use the usual calendar app or your own real calendar. It's up to you.


3. Some tips for the too busy people:

  • The simplest tip: Do everything with the niat to make it ibadah. Whether you are cooking, walking, working, sleeping, if you do it with the niat for Allah, it will be counted as an ibadah, insya-Allah. As long as the thing you do isn't sinful lah.

  • Download a Quran app on your phone and play the recitations whenever you can (while driving, on a bus, etc). Ramadan only comes once a year, why don't you replace the music you usually listen to, to some Quran recitations/zikrullah/nasyid? Not that you don't listen to music for the whole Ramadan, but make more time to get the Ramadan rewards 😊 You can just listen to the things I mentioned above on Youtube. My favorite:

4. For the one who want to lose some weight:

  • Exercise. You don't have to do hardcore workout, just do some light workout. If you have a specific part on your body you want to tone, search the workout on Youtube. Or you can do yoga, I personally love yoga a lot. If you never do yoga, now is probably the time to introduce yourself to yoga. I recommend Yoga With Adrienne!

  • Don't drink a lot of sweet drinks during the suhoor and iftar (especially iftar). It's better if you don't drink sweet drink at all. If you want to, drink some fresh, raw, 100% fruit juice that isn't mixed with sugar. Trust me, not drinking sweet drink during dieting and fasting makes a huge difference.

  • This is a risky tip (for those who are really determined to lose weight): Buy a little smaller size of baju raya that won't fit on you right now, but you think might fit if you follow your diet during fasting with full of discipline. Hang the clothes where you can see it everyday. This will be a huge motivation for you to continue your diet and workout and everything. Other tip that might work is, hang your favorite clothes that used to fit on you because baju raya is too risky (our raya week is on the line here!)😂 I haven't try this tip yet but it might work!

05. Set a limit of money usage to buy foods for iftar when you go to bazaar.

People waste a lot of food during Ramadan because whenever they go to bazaar, they buy a lot of foods but during the iftar, they can't even finish half of the food they bought. Such a waste. Controlling your nafsu might be harder because you're hungry and you see a lot of foods, of course you'll want to eat and swallow all of them. Hence, in order to avoid wastage, set some amount of money that you'll use to buy foods for iftar. No addition. Just those amount of money. This way, you won't have to waste foods and money.

I hope that you guys will be able to use some of this tips and all of us can make the most out of this year's Ramadan🙌

Do you have other Ramadan tips you want to share? Feel free to comment down below💗


17 Lessons by 17 | a late birthday post

 A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.

Obviously I procrastinated so much posting this. I actually finished this post in January but I delayed the posting because I don't have the perfect photo for this post (and still doesn't but I need to post something on my blog so who cares about perfect photo). By the time I'm posting this, I'm already 17 years 1 month 15 days old.

I turned 17 on January 11th! Yeay, I finally can take the KPP test. Actually, I already took it and praise to Allah, I passed the test🙌 I was so nervous before taking the test, the idea of needing to pay if I want to repeat the test made me really anxious. Luckily, I passed. So. Back to my birthday. I didn't have a celebration, my parents were busy and still are, but I did get some birthday wishes from the people I love and it was enough for me.

I've been meaning to write this post since my birthday last year, but I figured that probably it would be better if I write this when I am older than 16. 16 sounds too young, and 17 still sounds young but 17 means I have 3 years before I turn 20 so if it's rounded up, it's closest to 20 and it means 17 is quite mature for teenagehood, whatever that means.

So today, I'm doing the honor of sharing 17 main lessons that I learned during my 17 years living on Earth:

1. I actually don't know anything yet. Maybe today when I'm writing this, I'll see myself as a quite wise person for my age, but next year when I read this post again, I'll think that I was so immature and say "girl, you don't know anything."

 2. Read more. It'll show you a lot of things, types of people and bring you to many different places. If you can't experience it yourself, at least you know some perspectives from people who experienced those things.

3. Don't spend too much time on planning, spend it on doing what you want. Just imagine how many time you will waste to plan the perfect way to do something. Most of the times, improvising is a much better choice.

4. When a friendship ended, most probably you might have done something wrong too. Don't blame just the other party. Try to see it from their side. Or if you haven't done something wrong, just think that it ended for a reason. Everything ends eventually, right? Your friendship with that person just ended sooner than you expected.

5. You don't need specific time to be better. Why wait until the next morning if you can make at least a little difference right now?

6. Practice what you preach! Remember the times when you be yourself and don't belittle other people's pain? Well it applies to you too.

7. No matter how much people help you, if you don't want to help yourself, nothing is going to be better. Like people said, after all, in the end, you only have yourself because people will leave.

8. You don't always have to label yourself based on what you believe in. Just because someone doesn't label herself as a feminist, it doesn't mean that he/she worship sexism and fight against equality. Just because someone says he/she is not a Potterhead when he/she already watched the movies or read the series, it doesn't mean he/she hates it. Maybe he/she is just not that crazy of Harry Potter like a lot of people do. I am a Potterhead, though.

9. You have to accept that you're a Ravenclaw at heart even when you're sorted into Gryffindor on Pottermore (because you probably manipulated the quiz a little bit so that you'll be a Gryffindor). Accept what you are! Practice all the knowledge you have from the many self-love articles you had read! I am a Gryffindor at heart, though.

10. Mental illness isn't supposed to be romanticized at all. If those emo songs and pictures with really dark quotes will only trigger you when you're already triggered beforehand, it'll be better if you stay away from them. Some people find them comforting because they don't feel so alone and they can see that other people feel it too. Some people find them triggering.

11. It's not good to download things illegally because these things are the source of money to some people. Money is tight right now to buy music and movies, but try not to get too many things illegally.

12. DO NOT COMPARE YOUR PAIN TO OTHER PEOPLE. You are not in their shoes so you don't have a right to judge whether their pain is valid or not. Don't say "you never get hurt" to other people because everyone has their own definition of what hurt is.

13. Learning is hard, but it's most probably worth our time. Most of the times, what we don't even use the things we learn at school in our lives. Who use indices and logarithms in their daily routine? But it's good to learn a lot of things, who knows how we will use it in the future?

14. Say yes more but don't be afraid of the word no. 

15. Celebrate the little things. Be grateful for the little things and you'll feel more happy with your life.

16. Tell the truth but don't be afraid to keep a secret especially if it's other people's secret. 

17. Learning about other people will teach you something about yourself. And the more you know yourself, the better. It's important to know yourself.

Pypaa. xoxo


A Year Of Reading | 2017 Book Wrap-Up

2017 is so far my best year of reading (based on my Goodreads record) because I read 60 books this year than last year. I only read 26 books last year, which was disappointing because I know I could read more than that. Earlier this year, I only set 40 books for my Goodreads reading challenge but when I reached 40 on May, I re-set my goal to 60 books. It's better than last year, I'm thankful for that. However, I can't help but think that I could've done better when SPM ended but as soon as SPM ended, I end up in a critical reading slump. The I-can't-even-read-one-single-chapter reading slump. It sucks.

Currently reading: The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas (but I'm so freaking slow reading this book)

This year, I mostly read contemporary young adult (YA) books. There were some that pretty life changing to me but most of them are just average and maybe a couple of them weren't for me. I did read books from other genres and thankfully all of them were good but I'm planning to read more books out from YA contemporary. And I think almost all of the books I read this year were released before 2017. I haven't read a lot of books released in 2017 *sobs* but I'll do soon. I also finished 4 great book series and I absolutely love them all. So here are some books that I totally love in 2017.


Tell Me Three Things - Julie Buxbaum

Summary: Jessie is new in Los Angeles. It's been barely two years after her mother's death and when her father eloped with a woman he met online, Jessie has been forced to move across the country with her stepfamily. One day, she received an email from someone who calls himself Somebody/Nobody (SN for short) and in a leap of faith, SN becomes Jessie's closest ally. In this book, we see Jessie adapting her new life with new people in her life and in the meantime trying to get to know who SN is.

Rating: 4.5/5

Reviews: not my review

Saints and Misfits - S.K. Ali

Summary: How much can you tell about a person just by looking at them? Janna Yusuf is a Muslim Arab Indian-American hijabi teen girl, a Flannery O'Connor obsessed book nerd, aspiring photographer and sometime graphic novelist. She is trying to decide what kind of person she wants to be; a saint, a misfit or a monster. She's also dealing with meeting a monster who is parading around as a saint. In the same time, Janna suddenly finds herself caring what people think or at least what a certain boy named Jeremy thinks.


Reviews: My review | Other fav review


Salt to the Sea - Ruta Sepetys

Summary: “War is catastrophe. It breaks families in irretrievable pieces. But those who are gone are not necessarily lost.” World War II is drawing to a close in East Prussia and thousands of refugees are on a desperate trek toward freedom, many with something to hide. Among them are Joana, Emilia, and Florian, whose paths converge en route to the ship that promises salvation, the Wilhelm Gustloff. Forced by circumstance to unite, the three find their strength, courage, and trust in each other tested with each step closer to safety. Click to watch the book trailer.

Rating: 5/5

Reviews: My review (not really, just a rant) | Other fav review

My Lady Jane - Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, Jodi Meadows

Summary: King Edward, the King of England is dying at 16 and names his cousin, Lady Jane as his heir and mandates her to marry Gifford (G) Dudley, the second son of a powerful duke. Jane, a book lover and G, who spends his daytime as a horse and being popular to women during the night, are both not interested in getting married. However, they find themselves married to each other and that they are pawns in a plot to make Jane the Queen of England. There is also someone else who's after Edward's throne, which is the worst. 

Rating: 4.8/5

Reviews: My review (I was just ranting) | Other fav review


Arkitek Jalanan - Teme Abdullah

Summary: "Ia kekal dongeng... jika engkau tidak mula berjalan" Menceritakan kisah perjuangan Teme dan Ahmad untuk menjadi dua pelajar Malaysia pertama yang mendapatkan keputusan First Class Honours yang bukan mudah untuk didapatkan. Mereka menghadapi pelbagai krisis untuk mendapatkan kejayaan tetapi mereka sentiasa mencari jalan untuk meneruskan perjalanan mereka dalam mencapai impian mereka.

Rating: 4.5/5

Review (not mine): review

A Work In Progress - Connor Franta

Summary: Exploring his past with insight and humor, his present with humility, and his future with hope, Connor reveals his private struggles while providing heartfelt words of wisdom for young adults. His words will resonate with anyone coming of age in the digital era, but at the core is a timeless message for people of all ages: don't be afraid to be yourself and to go after what you truly want.

Rating: 4.8/5

Reviews: My review | Other review


The Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater

Summary: Since she was born, Blue has been warned that she will cause her true love to die. She never thought this would be a problem. But she is drawn to Gansey, who is on a quest and encompassed 3 other Raven Boys; Adam, Ronan and Noah. Now, as her life becomes caught up in the strange and sinister world of the Raven Boys, she's not so sure anymore.

Series overall rating: 4.8/5

Reviews: The Raven Boys (mine) | Other people's overall review

My 2 cents for this series: I totally started this series very late but better late than never, right? I finished reading this series a few months ago and until this day, my heart still aches when I think about the characters in this book. Throughout this series, I felt like I was with them during the good and hard times, the hunt for Glendower and I still miss the characters a lot. 

To All The Boys I've Loved Before - Jenny Han

Summary: Lara Jean's love life turns into a wreak havoc when her little sister sends a bunch of the letters that she wrote off to her crush and former crushes. We see as she grows up, falls in love and making the right decision about her future and the person she loves.

Series overall rating: 4.8/5

Reviews (not mine): Book 1 | Book 2Book 3

Other books that worth mentioned but don't fit in any category here: The Hearts We Sold by Emily Lloyd-Jones (4.6/5), Emma In The Night by Wendy Walker (4.5/5)

As you can see, my reading journey this year is better than the last few years and I'm so grateful to be given the opportunity to read tons of book. I'm aiming to be a little better next year and lets hope I'll succeed on doing so. I hope you do too.

Look the stars. Aim. Ignite.  -Geekerella, Ashley Poston

Nabila. xo

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